The Haitian fathers who stay and those who don’t | Entre Nous 

Fatherhood is fundamental to a child’s development, influencing both emotional well-being and future success. Yet, absent fathers continue to be a widespread issue in places like Haiti and the United States. 

In the United States, according to the U.S. Census Bureau and reporting from Fox News, nearly 18.5 million children are raised without their fathers present, making the U.S. the global leader in fatherlessness. The statistic — which includes both voluntary and involuntary absence, such as fathers serving in the military — highlights the prevalence of absent fathers and raises important questions surrounding the role of fatherhood and its impact on child development. 

What compels some men to abandon their parental responsibilities, and how does it reshape the lives of their children? Why do so many men walk away from this inherent responsibility?

Coming off American Father’s Day last weekend and as we approach Haitian Father’s Day on June 30, this is a moment to both celebrate those fathers who have stayed active in their children’s lives and encourage those who have not to reconsider their path and do better. There is immense power in staying and fulfilling your role as a father, a power that can transform lives and uplift entire communities.

Fatherhood is not merely a biological fact of the combination of both sperm and ovum. It’s an essential ingredient in the well-being and growth of a child. The women in my family love to use the Haitian proverb, “Depi wap boule bwa, fok ou fe chabon.” In English, this means, “If you are burning wood, you’ll end up with  charcoal.” Bluntly put, “If you’re having unprotected sex, you’ll get pregnant.”

According to a report by UNICEF, poverty and societal norms in Haiti have resulted in a significant number of single mothers, creating a concerning social problem for the country. Meanwhile, in Haiti, where statistics aren’t readily available, the presence of fathers presents a societal dilemma. Father’s performing their duties are celebrated as rare miracles, rather than as fulfilling their basic responsibilities. 

Although some may argue that potential instinct plays a major role in fatherhood, limited studies published on ProQuest suggest that learned behaviors primarily shape fatherhood. The influence of family and societal expectations cannot be ignored in understanding a man’s approach to fatherhood, highlighting the need for further research in this area.  

While conversing with individuals from diverse backgrounds, primarily from Haiti, who grew up with fathers active in their lives and those raised by single mothers, different narratives emerge. Why do some men decide to walk away from their responsibilities to the children they fathered? Or for some mothers, for that matter? Numerous theories exist, but a definitive answer remains out of reach for now.

The importance of present fathers

Studies have consistently shown that an involved father promotes internal growth and strength in children. This involvement impacts cognitive and social development, bestowing a sense of well-being and confidence. 

Maya Viswa knows that firsthand.

“Having an active dad made me more comfortable with my skin and instilled a sense of adventure in me early on,” Viswa said. “We even talked about taboos or hard topics from an early age. He treated me as an adult very early, which I loved.”

Additionally, present dads can balance emotional dynamics within the family. 

Chipo Baker Afamefuna, an African woman, emphasizes, “My dad empowered me beyond imagination. I was shown love, reprimanded, and most importantly, I had consistency.” This balance between affection and discipline helps shape well-rounded individuals.

The fathers who stay or come back 

Many fathers rise above their roles. Elise Ramos attributes her courage in taking risks to her father’s emotional availability. He chose to be a great dad, despite not having a positive role model in his own life.

“My father has set such high standards. He was emotionally available and was always there for us, showing love and consistency,” she said. 

Sharlia Kimberly Gulley, who reconnected with her father as an adult, adds a new dimension. 

“Reconnecting with my dad has transformed my self-esteem,” Gulley said. 

“I now feel the protection and support I missed out on as a child,” she said. “When men get older, they realize the cost of missed connections and often seek to rebuild relationships with their children.”

The ripple effect of absentee fathers

The Pew Research Center reports that about one-third, 34%, of U.S. children are living with an unmarried parent. Within this group, 63% are living with an unmarried mother, 21% with an unmarried father. For Black children, the percentage living with an unmarried father is 37%. 

The absence of a father can leave a deep void. This is clearly demonstrated in the United States, where nearly 18.5 million children are growing up without their fathers. What then of Haiti, where poverty is rampant and male promiscuity often goes unchecked?

Ramos shared a poignant insight: “I know what a good man looks like because my father set a high standard. This, however, makes it difficult because I don’t want to settle for less.” 

Gulley reveals an emotional legacy handed down through generations, highlighting the profound psychological repercussions of absentee fathers.

“The men in my family have wronged women, leading to a learned response of hardening, mistrust and the message, ‘I don’t need a man,’” she said. “This mindset is passed down to children.” 

The path forward

Understanding the significance and impact of fatherlessness invites some hard questions: What kind of legacy are we creating for the next generation? How do we break the cycle of abandonment and emotional disconnection? What will it take for society to recognize and reinforce the crucial role of fathers? And ultimately, are these questions even realistic if we delve deeper into the complexities surrounding fatherhood?

Solving the problem of absentee fathers requires a collective effort. For men who have walked away, there is always an opportunity for redemption. 

As Sharlia Agner said, “There’s no way to make up for lost time, but my father and I are building our relationship now, and it has transformed my self-esteem. I now feel protected, supported and loved in ways I never imagined.” 

Effective fatherhood involves a commitment to staying and fulfilling responsibilities, despite challenges.

If I could leave you with one thing, let it be this: Fatherhood is not merely a role. It is a powerful, transformative force that shapes the very essence of a child’s future. A father’s presence instills confidence, fosters emotional stability, and provides the moral and ethical compass that guides generations. 

As Ramos succinctly puts it, “My father made me courageous enough to take risks because I always knew I had a safety net.” 

For those fathers who stand firm in their commitments, you are more than caretakers. You are role models, architects of destiny and pillars of strength. Parenthood is undoubtedly daunting, but it is through confronting its challenges head-on that true growth and connection occur.

To all fathers: Your presence matters, your involvement is crucial and the legacy you leave behind will echo through generations. 

As we contemplate the importance of fatherhood and the dire consequences of its absence, let us ask ourselves: What kind of future do we want for our children? What kind of fathers and men do you want to be?

The post The Haitian fathers who stay and those who don’t | Entre Nous  appeared first on The Haitian Times.

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The Haitian fathers who stay and those who don’t | Entre Nous  was first posted on June 30, 2024 at 8:00 am.